I Wanna Be Faster!

I have many speedy friends in the running community. On my best day, I am a middle-of-the-pack runner.  What does that mean? Well, if coyotes attack my running group on the trails (something I am certain will happen some evening), my friends will escape without even breathing heavily; I will be a tasty coyote dinner.  If there is a zombie apocalypse, I will be just fine with my 5K pace of 8:30/mile. If the zombies can hang in there past 3 miles, I am brainfood.

Be careful of zombies--seriously!

  

If you are a slower runner, you might be tempted to compare yourself to your faster friends and decide that it’s no use trying to improve your time.  I disagree. While I don’t compare my running times to those of other people, I do like to set my own time goals and then beat them. There is nothing like the feeling of a PR, especially if you pay yourself five bucks for every PR (See my post about paying yourself for running). So, how can we run faster, even if we don’t run like Meb?  Here are some tips for any runner. Use what you like; there is no one plan for everybody.

 Speedwork 

This is the number one technique (obviously) to getting faster.  If you google the term, you will see lots of different methods. Choose anything you want to try; try everything!  I like to do speedwork twice a week, and here are some of my workouts:

10s20s30s.  This is a great beginner’s method. All you need to do is count or use a watch if you don’t like to count.  After a warmup, I run for 30 breath cycles (more on this in the next tip) at an easy pace, then 20 cycles at a moderate pace, then I sprint for 10 cycles.  If you are using a watch or the clock on a treadmill, you can do 30 seconds, 20 seconds, 10 seconds. Repeat for 2-4 miles; then, cool down.

Intervals: Warm up for a mile. Run 400 meters (or a quarter mile) at 5k pace. Recover for a minute by walking or slowly jogging.  Repeat up to 12 times. Cool down. When you feel comfortable with this pattern, you can either speed up your pace or lengthen your running to 800 meters (or half a mile) for up to 8 intervals.  Cool down.

Tempo Runs: Warm up for a mile. Run 3-6 miles at half marathon pace. Cool down.  Increase your speed and your middle miles as you get more comfortable.

Breathing

Your ability to bear discomfort has a lot to do with your breathing. As someone who bore two children, one without an effective epidural, I can tell you that breathing is the number one non-drug way of managing pain. Running faster is a matter of working with discomfort and even sometimes pain.  How do you breathe when you run? I read an article (Boy, a better blogger would have that reference for you here, but I can’t find it) that claimed that in-out breathing patterns should be grouped with footstrikes, and they should be in uneven number cycles in order to alternate each side.  This is how I breathe when I run: three breaths in (I chant in my head, “In-In-In) and two breaths out (“Out-Out”). Each breath occurs when my foot strikes the ground. It takes practice, but it really helps me to run faster and endure the discomfort that comes with it. I even have mantras that go with those cycles:  I am Strong (In-breaths), Runner (Out-breaths); I am Fast, Runner; I Got This, Runner.  
Recovery


Here is something I learned when researching speed work. Do you know why we call 400s or 800s Intervals? The interval part isn’t the running, which is what I originally thought.  The interval refers to the recovery. Recovery and rest are super-important for overall health, and you won’t get faster if you don’t respect this. When we work hard, we cause minute tears in our muscles. Protein and rest repair those tears, and the muscles become stronger. If you don’t consume protein, and if you don’t rest, you will continue to strain those muscles, and they will get weaker instead of stronger.  It’s that simple. Take a rest day between difficult workouts. Do yoga. Stretch. You’ll be better and faster for it!

Use your newfound strength to race at the Cleveland Marathon series! If you want 10% off registration for any of the races, use my code RUNCLESTEPHANI10 !

Whether you run speedy or slow, I hope you run happy, Peeps!

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Race Recap: Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon

I started training for the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon without even realizing it. I was doing long runs with a friend, who was training for the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and there came a point where I realized I should just go the whole way.  So, I did.

Here is my disclaimer: This is my third year as a Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon Ambassador. This means that in exchange for sharing my training for the race, I got a free entry, one to give away, and some sweet swag.

I have always enjoyed being an Ambassador, and I ran the Cleveland races before I ever officially blogged about them. You can read about my 10k experience here. I loved that race!

Anyway, this year I upped the ante, even though I knew thorough training for a marathon would be difficult for me given that most of my miles take place before 5:30 AM.  I did it, though:

I ran the miles, sometimes on a treadmill, but more often not.

I did the speedwork.

This is EXACTLY how I look when I do speedwork. I am often chasing a gazelle.

I did the strength training.

This is EXACTLY how I look when I lift weights.  I use my moustache to wipe the sweat from my face.

What I did NOT do was watch my weight, which is what I should have done. I ran this race 10 pounds over my racing weight, and I could feel that difference. In fact, I'm feeling it now!

Anyway, let's not talk about me; let's talk about the race.

I got into Cleveland at 5:30 AM. I was nervous about finding parking at that time, so I decided to park in the Muni lot. This was silly for two reasons: 1. It's a mile away from the start and finish lines. 2. There was PLENTY of parking available.  Anyway, I'm a dufus, and it was probably good for me to walk the extra mile back to the car to stretch my legs a bit.  Yeah. Right.

The weather prediction was thunderstorms, but the sky looked ok at the start, although it was humid. I lined up for pictures with all of my amazing peeps, some who are Ambassadors:

Stephanie, Melissa, Sara, Pam, Jessica, Me, Jamie

and some who are teachers:

Laina, Me, Katie. What is up with my hair???

I started in corral F, and I found the 4:55 pacer there. I asked him about his pacing strategies, and while he seemed like a really nice person, I realized he was a wild card when it came to pacing. My goal was to start with his group and then pull ahead if I was feeling it. It took me all of two miles to decide that I wasn't sticking with this group because a woman kept cutting me off in order to run RIGHT NEXT TO THE PACER. God forbid she get two steps behind or ahead. It didn't matter where I went; she would cross in front of me. I pulled ahead.

My goal was to stick with 11:00/miles, especially in the beginning miles. I felt super good, but I managed to stay between 10:45 and 11 most of the time. At Mile 4, we hit the Flats. This may be my favorite part of the race. We ran up the hill to the Columbus bridge, and the hill was pretty awesome. I am used to hills, so I kept my pace and breathing steady, and I watched the spectacle around me, namely the Pope (or a bishop?) with a pitcher of beer, a man yelling, "Get up that hill!" and some fun signs. Check out this awesome video from Share the River that shows exactly what it was like:




When we reached the top, I made my signature move: I threw my fists in the air and yelled to the almost-silent runners, "YES! I MADE THIS HILL MY BITCH!"

I also enjoyed running through Ohio City, Tremont, and Gordon Square, where I found a man in a Speedo standing on a wall yelling, "Let's have some laughter and fun! C'mon! I'm wearing a Speedo! Look at me!"I am also grateful to Didi (with whom I ran Burning River last year), who found me and cheered for me there.

My second favorite part of the route was the out-and-back on Clifton, even though it started to rain when I got to Mile 14. I like out-and-backs because they give me the opportunity to look for my friends, who are all faster than I am. For the miles going down to Rocky River, I was able to spot Steve (pacing), Ed, Andrew, Stephanie, and Marta. Coming back I concentrated on the gorgeous houses, which definitely helped me take my mind off the pain I was feeling in my legs and feet by Mile 18.

I found a burst of energy at Mile 21 because I had reeled in a man with cool dreadlocks. For a minute we ran side by side, and then I started to drop back and let him go so I could fuel, but I noticed that he also dropped back with me and kept pace. At this point I wondered if we were pacing or racing each other, so I sped up a tiny bit. He sped up with me but didn't pass me, so I realized I had a new running buddy. He kept me going for that mile at a faster than usual pace, and then I decided to go through a water station, so I lost him. I found him after the race and thanked him for getting me through a tough mile.

Coming into the city was hard, but not because of the route, which was fabulous. Aerobically I felt fine, like I should have picked up the pace, but my legs and feet were really hurting, and I knew it wasn't possible to run any faster than I was going. I saw Didi again, and I yelled to her, "I'm dying, Didi, seriously!" but she assured me that I wasn't.

By now I was in the last two miles and it was pouring (but no hail or lightning, thank goodness). I found Lyndsey, who was running this after the Pro Football Hall of Fame Marathon, and I told her that we were going to finish strong. I was thinking of walking a few steps, just to stretch my legs, when I heard a dreadful, familiar voice behind me: It was the 4:55 pacer. WTF!!!! I looked at my watch; he was ahead of schedule. I KNEW that guy was a wild card. That was when I decided to get my ass in gear because there was NO WAY that pacer was going to finish ahead of me.

Coming in to the finish was amazing. I heard John Adams, the Indians' drummer, and that was definitely enough to put a smile on my face. I LOVE hearing the drum at the Indians' games.

I ran through a row of American flags, and I found the energy to pick up my legs and the pace for a strong finish. I got my medal, my food and water, and a super-cool towel, and then I got my gear and started back the mile to my car before the stiffness could set in. I looked absolutely pathetic draped in a beach towel, carrying a bunch of stuff and a gear bag, and shuffling painfully to the Muni lot.

I did it. I ran this marathon all by myself like an adult, and I did it without crying and without music. My fellow Ambassadors encouraged me and told me that I had it in me, and they were right. Thank you, Friends, for believing in me when I found it difficult to believe in myself.  I PR'd that bitch by almost a minute and a half. I am proud of myself.

Overall, I have to say that I LOVED this experience. The race course was so interesting and fun for me that I didn't need any music or conversation. The medal and the swag are fabulous. There were plenty of water stops, fuel (including waffles!), and portapotties. The spectators were kind and fun. This has been the best Cleveland race experience I have ever had.

As the race amnesia sets in, I realize how difficult it was for me to train for a full during the schoolyear, but honestly, if the race next year is like this year, I intend to do the full again. Thanks, Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon for an empowering race!

Look at my medal! LOOK AT IT!!!

I'll be back! Will you be there with me? Until then, run happy, Peeps!

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This Is the Moment!

This is it, Peeps. This is the moment for which I've been doing 400s at dark o'clock. This is the reason why I have been putting in insane miles on Sundays when everyone else is eating bagels and reading the newspaper.  This is the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon, and I'm running it tomorrow.

I'm not panicking. I'm not. I'm also NOT sitting in the corner in the fetal position, rocking.

The end of the school year timed with tapering has been a bit stressful for me. It was really nice to meet up with my fellow Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon Ambassadors on Friday evening at the VIP Reception after visiting the Expo.

I saw Rachel and Melissa first at the Expo (after I caught Holly on her way out):

We are like Charlie's Angels. . . only more badass.

I also spotted my name on the Ambassador list:

"I'm kind of a big deal." I can't even write that with a straight face.

And I bought a signed copy of Jill's book.

Get your copy and check out the back. You may find a blurb written by someone you know. *cough*

Then I hugged and laughed and took as many selfies as I could with my fellow Ambassadors:

Andrew is so serious now that he wears a tie.

Stephani(e)s squared!

Emily and Jessica

Melissa and I are together again!

The Hyatt Regency. So beautiful

Rachel, Sara, and Melissa

Our traditional group shot.

I missed some Ambassadors, and I hope to get pictures with them tomorrow. . .if I am not hiding under my bed. It was so overwhelming to see everyone, and I got confused about which pictures I took.  I'd like to thank Jack Staph and Ralph Staph for including me in this wonderful experience of blogging for a race I love. I would like to thank Joan Freese, Kayla Henderson, and Mary Sutter for being my guides as a Rite Aid Cleveland Ambassador. Of course, I would like to thank all my fellow Ambassadors, YES, EVEN YOU, ANDREW. You all came into my life at a time where I was certain that I didn't want or need any more friends. I was so wrong.  Most of all, I'd like to thank you, Peeps. It really gets me through the dark times when you tell me that you enjoy my blog or when you comment on any of my posts. Thank you.

Today I spent most of the afternoon working Commencement for Medina High School. This helped me not to fret so much. Then I did some housework and took a looooong nap. I so needed it. Now I'm trying to settle in because this is where the scary head game starts. I've applied my tattoo:

And I've laid out Flat Stephani:

This is the moment, Peeps, the moment where there is no room for self-doubt. I've trained really well; I need to trust the training. I got this; I do.

Will I see you at the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon tomorrow?  I hope so. If you do see me, yell something--ANYTHING--at me, even "Your blog sucks!" I will take it as encouragement.

Until then, run happy, Peeps!

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Flat Is Where It's At

I've focused a bit on hills lately, which is totally good for me in every way. . .

This is EXACTLY how I look when I run hills.  See that look of joy? See the little kids in lederhosen?  

But for my dial-back run this week, I wanted something flat and easy. And pretty.  And so I chose the Towpath. I did five miles myself for the first hour, and because I didn't bring my earbuds, I did it without music!

Views of the Cuyahoga River from the Towpath

I love running in Merriman Valley; it's so beautiful, and the Towpath never looks the same from day to day.

After my first five miles, I met up with Kristin for the next ten. We agreed that the purpose was to relax and chat. We certainly chatted.  It was a surprise to both of us when the turnaround seemed to come so quickly, and it was definitely a surprise to Kristin (who has never run that section of the Towpath before) when I told her that we were in the home stretch.

Of course we had to take a picture:

Shiny, happy people

As a bonus I saw some fellow Turtle alumni who were coming in as I was going out. Ladies, you were looking strong today!

The sun was shining, the weather was perfect, the company was fabulous. All in all, I give this run an A+.  Thank you, Kristin, for being so awesome; you made 15 miles feel like 2.

I am almost at the 20 mile point for the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon, Peeps.  Won't you join me by registering here? 

Until then, run happy, Peeps!

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Still Got It!

First, this has nothing to do with running. Thursday night my friends and I attended Puddles Pity Party at the Cleveland House of Blues, and this happened:

Best. Concert. EVER. I highly recommend you see him if he is in your area.

Second, I was worried that my foray into trail running would give me a sense of false confidence. That is, because I allow my self to walk any time I like on a trail, I worried that I would not be able to run on a flatter surface for an extended length of time. To test this theory, I decided to run 17 miles on the Towpath today (Sunday). The Burning River Goddesses have been so kind to me; they offered to either run the full 17 with me (Marta and Kelsie) or join me for part of the fun. Jen's husband Steve, who is an honorary Goddess and a rock star trail runner who is training for Burning River (the full Monty, folks), also offered to join me for the first 12 miles.

17 miles and .4 cool down walk on the Towpath with these badasses! Lots of turtles 🐢 on the logs. #akrun #secondsoleakrun #clevemarathonambassador @jennpierce517

A post shared by Stephani Itibrout (@itibrout) on Mar 26, 2017 at 8:51am PDT

So it was that Steve, Marta, Kelsie, and I started from Lock 29 at 8 AM. I was worried that I would hold them back, and I told them all to leave me whenever they felt that they needed to. . .but they didn't. One of my big problems is that I CAN run a good mid-pack pace, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I SHOULD run that pace, especially on the long runs. My goal was to finish strong and feel good, and to accomplish that, I knew I had to run much more slowly than I normally would like to run.

We all had a great discussion on the Towpath, sometimes running fast and sometimes running slowly. I was wearing my Cleveland Ambassador long-sleeved tech shirt, and within two miles I was ROASTING, although I looked super cool.

This is EXACTLY how I look when I'm roasting, but I'm rocking a super cool shirt.

After 9.5 miles, we were back at Lock 29, where I ate a banana, changed into a short-sleeved shirt, and used the bathroom. Then we joined up with Jen and Tracy for the rest of the run.  I'm not going to say it was easy because it wasn't, but I really enjoyed my run with everyone.  We saw turtles, lots of turtles:

This was one log of four in that section--all full of turtles. 

And we talked and bitched and laughed.

At mile 16.9, I decided that the kick had to come now, and I actually picked up the pace and ran very quickly (I'm not going to say I sprinted because I didn't) to the end. Then I had .4 miles to walk as a cool down. I am very pleased with how I finished. I felt strong, and although I felt sore, I still think it was a good run.

I have a while until I need to hit my 20 miler. While talking it through with Jen today, I decided that I'm going to hover around these middle miles for a while, which is what I did when I trained for my first marathon. I would like to get to a point where I say, "Oh. It's only 16 miles." Maybe then my 20 miler won't feel as awful as it did when I ran it for the Akron Marathon.

How is your training? Have you registered for the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon?  NO??? Well, you can register here today, or you can check out the Cleveland Marathon Ambassadors to see who is giving away a race entry. Join me! You know you want to see how I handle running this marathon by myself (unless you want to run with me???).  Until then, run happy, Peeps!

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Magical Thinking

I believe in magical thinking. Call it what you want: prayer, visualization, meditation, voodoo. . .it's magic, and I believe it works. To this end, I have participated in some magical thinking lately:

1.  Achilles Tendon.

My Achilles Tendon has been bothering me since October. There are days when it is unbearable, and there are days where I don't even notice it. I spent months researching and doing strength training and stretches for my hamstrings and tendon, but it hasn't gotten better. I finally decided to find a chiropractor who specializes in Active Release Technique.

This is EXACTLY how my Achilles Tendon looks. Probably yours, too, by the way.

Active Release Technique basically uses deep muscle massage to help tendons and muscles that are strained or tight from overuse. My friend Ed, who is an amazing runner, convinced me that this would be the way to go, so I gave it a shot.

I had never visited a chiropractor before, but magical thinking, right? So far, I've had three sessions, and there isn't a magical cure, but I'm still hopeful.

2. K-Tape

This goes along with the Active Release Technique. I definitely think KTape is magical thinking, so it's a good thing I'm a believer.

3. Switching up the Routine

Not gonna lie, Peeps. I didn't post last week because I felt an overwhelming sense of metaphysical despair.  Shelby and I ran 16 miles, and each step felt like death to me. I just never got into a groove, and then I made the mistake of comparing that 16 miler to other 16 milers I have run. . .it just led to disgust with myself and life.

This week I got to roll back the miles a bit, and Shelby, feeling the same disgust, dumped me, so I decided to shake things up a bit. I messaged Jen and begged her to let me go trail running with her and her peeps. I went early and ran three road miles, and then I did ten miles with the Burning River Goddesses.  It was a trail I had never seen before, and I had a ton of fun.

Me, Renee, Jen.  See how happy we are?

 I felt much more positive about my training after a run through the forest with the sun shining through the trees, which leads me to number 4:

4.  Race Registration

I did it, Peeps; I pulled the trigger and registered for the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon! This will be my second marathon, and I'm feeling a bit unsure of myself, so SHOW ME SOME FREAKING LOVE ABOUT THIS!!! The first thing you can do is register here so you can run with me! I'll need all the support I can get, PLUS a lot of magical thinking.

What kinds of magical thinking are you using this week, Peeps? Clap your hands if you believe in fairies! Until then, run happy!

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Dial It Back

Not gonna lie, Peeps. I'm exhausted.

This is one of those weeks where I haven't wanted to do anything, but I had to do everything. I didn't want to go to work (although this was one of the funnest weeks I had planned this year), I didn't want to come home from work, I didn't want to shuttle my kids around, I didn't want to shop for, plan, or prepare meals of any kind, and I CERTAINLY didn't want to run.

My motto for the week

Of course I DID do all of those things, including running, but it was a struggle every. damned. step. of. the. way. Normally, I love to run; I look forward to it, and even when I don't immediately love it, I'm always happy after the second mile.  Not this week.  It seemed like I spent every second trying to talk myself out of running. Of course I did the other workouts in my weekly routine: weights and strength training, yoga, Zumba--but I didn't even really want to do those either.

People often say to me, "I would love to run, but I don't have time." We all know this is bullshit. What you don't have is motivation to make time. My running time (and all workout time, really) has to happen around the needs of everyone in my house, so guess what? I run at 4:30 in the morning.  It wasn't easy for me to decide to run so early, and there were times I wanted to cheat and tell myself I'd get it done after work, but I pushed on. Now my morning workout time is a habit, so even if I want to skip it (and OH BOY did I want to skip it this week), my body goes on autopilot and gets out of bed before the alarm. Most days this sets me up for a fabulous, energetic workday (until about 3:00).

This is EXACTLY how I look when I set myself up for a fabulous, energetic workday.
Today, I am the gravedigger from  Hamlet.

Here I am excited to play Horatio. I kind of wanted  to be the king or queen so I could die.
Then I could just lay on the floor for a long time. It was not "to be." See what I did there? 😜

The point of this post is this: Sometimes you've got to fake it 'til you make it. . .and sometimes you just have to keep fakin' it.

Don't want to run on the dreadmill?  Me neither.  Let's dial it back together, like I did on Friday and Saturday. On Friday I couldn't bring myself to go down into the cold basement to run on the treadmill, even with the promise of the 9th season of Dr. Who on DVD, so I stayed in the living room and popped in a Leslie Sansone walking DVD. I ran while she walked and talked (boy, does she talk), and I carried 2 lb. weights while I ran around the living room. On Saturday, I allowed myself to walk the first and last mile of my treadmill run.  Both workouts were less than optimal, but at least I got it done.

Today, luckily, was a dial-back week in the long run, too.  Shelby, Joy, and I ran the Covered Bridge Loop, which is eight miles of really pretty scenery around Hale Farm and Village.  I took our traditional pics:

The church in the Valley at Hale Farm

Our Covered Bridge selfie

I thought the run would be a breeze, but it wasn't.  You know what? I still made that run my bitch.

Sometimes a run is hard, and sometimes ALL the runs are hard, but perserverance is a cool thing. I know that I will feel better (with some rest and maybe pizza and wine), so I'm going to look forward to the next run.  Join me.

Have you registered yet for an event in the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon series? Are you checking out the Cleveland Marathon Ambassadors' pages?  Who has a giveaway this week?  How is the training going for you?  Feel free to gloat comment about your awesome runs.

Until then, run happy, Peeps!

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Race Recap: Rite Aid Cleveland Half Marathon

Subtitles: Hailmageddon!

or

I Am Cursed!


I have looked forward to the weekend of the Rite Aid Challenge Series for a year now.  Originally I signed up for the 8k/Half Marathon Challenge because I thought since I normally don't train well over the winter I wouldn't be trying for a speed goal in the half marathon.  Well. . . for the first time, I trained all through the winter.  Yep, 400s, 800s, tempo runs, long runs, easy runs; you name it--I did it. I started thinking, "Damn.  I could PR this race.  This might be the sub-two hour half I've been pursuing for two years."  Then I realized that I had signed up for the 8k also, and it started messing with my head.  Because nothing can ever be simple for me.

I had carefully planned the whole weekend to revolve around the race activities, and I watched all of those plans fall apart, one by one: My babysitter became unavailable.  My daughter had a music competition at the same time as the reception on Friday night.  My husband told me he would stay home to watch my son Friday night, but he is a chef of two restaurants, so seriously?  I knew that wasn't going to happen.

And then the weather.

I ended up taking my son to the expo and the VIP reception.  He had a fun time at the expo, and then he parked himself with a plate of food (consisting mostly of chocolate cake bigger than my head) and his DS while I took selfies with the other Ambassadors.

There I am!  Official Ambassador!

Ben and I are framed at the Expo.

It was a Care Bear Chair.  Why?  I dunno.

Melissa was spreading goodwill everywhere.

My date.  So dreamy.

What is wrong with this picture?  Andrew has a beer in his hand, and I have. . . nothing.

The following photo may be the best one of the VIP Reception:

This happened while I was taking selfies.

 Of course, we did have to take our Ambassador group picture:

Damn--we are a fine-looking bunch!

Now, I look happy and everything here, but I was really a bundle of nerves.  That 8k on Saturday was really working me, and I was toying with the idea of dumping it so I could save myself for a sub-2 half.  The weather predictions weren't helping much either.

As I drove home, I felt a tickle in my throat that quickly turned to a tightening in my chest, and I knew I wasn't running the 8k on Saturday.  Yep.  Bronchitis.  Geez o Pete.  I haven't had bronchitis in about 20 freaking years.  Why now?  BECAUSE IT'S ME!!!  DON'T YOU GET IT????

It was full blown by Saturday morning, but I wasn't going to let bronchitis stop me.  As I drove to the race on Sunday morning (in a rainstorm), I could only laugh.  That's all you got, Mother Nature?  I can PR in this.  (I should have NEVER mocked Mother Nature, by the way.  Such a rookie move.)  When I pulled in the parking deck, it took everything I had in me to get out of the car and walk to the starting line.  This is the pre-race selfie I posted on Instagram, complete with the original caption:

Must get out of the car.  Get out of the car.  GET OUT OF THE FREAKING CAR!!!

 I walked to the starting line with Andrew, who asked me if I felt ok.  "No," I responded, "but I'm going to make this race my bitch anyway."  We took a starting line picture:

I am smiling, but I am not happy.

Normally my biggest problem in a race is hubris. I shoot out of the gate, and I go too fast in the first six miles, when I feel awesome.  This time I wore a wristband with my paces on it, and I was determined to stick with it.  Since my beginning pace was about 15 seconds per mile slower than what I'm usually comfortable with, I thought I would really enjoy the race.  When I realized I couldn't catch my breath enough to stick even at that pace comfortably, I knew I had problems.

Somewhere around the second hailstorm (there were four when I was out there), as pea-sized bits of ice pocked my cheeks (Jesus!  Am I bleeding?), I realized that I would NEVER enjoy this race.  At mile 6 my goal became survival.  Keep going, Stephani, (I thought)because you are going to freaking DIE out here, and nobody will find you because you will be covered in snow. SNOW.  20+ mph gusts of wind.  Rain.  Lightning. Hail.  WTF.

The two big hills I dreaded starting at mile 10 never came, and that's how I realized the course was a lot different. I was so relieved not to climb in the last three miles, but the real relief came when I finished.  I looked for fellow-Ambassador Andrew's wife, who was giving out medals, and I managed to make her drop her medals.  Sorry about that.  I took my stuff and walked directly to the parking garage where I stripped down in front of God and everybody and put on some warm, dry clothes.  No beer.  No pictures.  I didn't look for anyone I knew; I just wanted to get some feeling back into my body.

I walked to the VIP brunch where I wrapped my shaking hands around a cup of coffee until I could stop shaking enough to get some food. Luckily for me, Mr. Jack Staph (Executive Race Director), and Mr. Ralph Staph (Race Director) sat at my table with their group, so I had the privilege of eavesdropping.  I have to say that I am so impressed with how calm they were while constantly evaluating the situation through walkie talkies and telephones.  Where is the last runner?  Who is it?  Is she ok?  What is her predicted time?  Who is injured?  Hypothermia?  Fluids ok on the course?

At one point I choked on my coffee when Jack casually said, "Hey Ralph, how are those waterspouts doing?  Are they breaking up yet?"

Seriously, Cleveland?  WATERSPOUTS????  Buffy the Vampire Slayer always said that there was a Hellmouth in Cleveland, and it looked like it opened up on race day.

When I got home, I drained all the hot water during my shower and crawled into bed.  As I closed the door to the bedroom, my son said, "Hey, what about lunch?"

"Good luck with that," I replied and locked the door.

My husband can be very intuitive sometimes, and somehow he figured out that I wouldn't be cooking dinner that night, so he took us all out for steak and wine.  Lots of wine.

I am finally warm here.

Notice how I didn't tell you whether I met my goal?  I DIDN'T.  I did 2:07:29, which is very far from my goal. In my initial Facebook post, I blamed myself and I said I just didn't have it in me, but a trip to the Urgent Care (complete with antibiotics) later showed me that I really was sick, and I am allowed to blame it on that.  When you spend all your energy trying to breathe, it's difficult to focus on pace.

So, I didn't make my goal, but it was a course PR for me.  I'm proud that I was badass enough to run in the weathersuck that was the 2016 Rite Aid Cleveland Half Marathon.  As my fellow-Ambassador Andrew said, this is the #mostclevelandraceever.

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