We Honor You: Cleveland Recap Part II

Last week I gave a first impression recap of the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon. In that post, I said that I wanted to write at least one other post to address my feelings about Taylor Ceepo's death.  I was avoiding writing the post because I was avoiding processing my feelings about all of it. I ran the Medina Half Marathon today (recap to come later), and several people asked me when I would continue my reflections on the events of the Cleveland Marathon.

So, I guess that will happen today.

Sunday was super-difficult for me, as you read in my post. It was difficult for most runners, but it was the MOST difficult for Taylor Ceepo's family.

If you haven't heard yet, Taylor Ceepo, Medina resident, St. Vincent alum, Walsh University graduate, died about a quarter-mile from the finish line while running the half marathon at the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon. Here is a link to her obituary in the Akron Beacon Journal.

Taylor Ceepo

I didn't know Taylor; I don't know her family. I teach at Medina High School, and I have heard/read that Taylor was a coach for a soccer club in Medina, so I'm thinking that some of my students knew her.  I know that we have some mutual friends who have talked to me about the memorial services.

When I think about Taylor, who was only 22, I think about her parents. I have two kids, Punkin (17) and Butterbean (12), and I am old enough to have had a 22 year old child. My first thoughts when I heard of her death were for her parents.  Elizabeth Stone summed it up perfectly when she said, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

 When Punkin was 3 years old, I told my husband (the Kabyle Chef), "I think we need to have another child. If something happens to this one, I could never survive it."  The Kabyle Chef agreed with me almost immediately. Ok, ALMOST.  There is another part to this conversation; I also said, "They say you have one good one and one bad one."

The Chef's response was, "OMG. What if she IS the good one????"

Punkin at 3 years old.  Just kidding. It's a statue of Regan from The Exorcist.

Regardless, because I am neurotic, I have had nightmares about something terrible happening to one or both of my kids. It is the absolute worst thing to happen to a parent. So, that is why my first thought was for Taylor's parents.

My second thought was a jumble. As you may have read, the running community lost another great member in March: Steve Pierce. Click here to read my tribute to my friend.

Both deaths have hit me hard because they happened so close together and because they are SUCH A GODDAMNED INJUSTICE.  It isn't fair.  Steve's death made me angry and afraid, and Taylor's death has magnified that fear. With Steve's death, I had an existential midlife crisis that I thought I had scheduled for myself when I turned forty: What if I die? What is death? Is there an afterlife? All of these questions have tormented me since we lost him. When we lost Taylor, I had greater fears: What if my kids die? How will I go on?

Today, as I ran with a friend, she talked about the Greater Purpose behind death, specifically deaths that we feel happened too soon. I said that while I respect the beliefs of those who cling to the Greater Purpose, I do not believe that there is any purpose to an untimely death. It's wrong. Steve's death was wrong. Taylor's death was wrong. It's not fair. Screw this.

So, what do I take from this? There is no good from the deaths of two people who left suddenly and too soon.  There is no lesson; there is only the reaction.  I can't always control the circumstances of my life, but I can control how I react to them.

When I fear death, mine or someone else's:

I must remember to fiercely love my children, even. . .ESPECIALLY when they are unlovable. I must hug them and hold them and kiss them and remind them that I NEED  them.

I must look to my community and my friends, and I must remind them that I value them and I love them. . .because I may not always have them. This is not easy for me because, well, I'm sort of prickly.  That is my reaction, and I need to change it. My friends deserve more from me.

I must remember that everyone around me has a story and a history. We are all dealing with shit and a struggle, and my job is to find a better reaction to their struggles.

My favorite novel in the whole world is To Kill a Mockingbird, and I am lucky to be able to finish every school year with it in my Sophomore Language Arts class.  Atticus Finch, the best role model for a parent and leader that I can ever imagine, said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” 

Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch

I can look at my world with more empathy because frankly, I don't know how much longer I or those I love will remain in it.   

I can choose to be angry, or I can choose to love. Actually, I choose both. 

As you can tell, this is a rambling way for me to square my thoughts. I have no answers or assurance. 

I will run away from my troubles, as I have always done. This time, though, I will recognize the journey and friendship of those who run with me and around me.

I love you, Peeps. Run happy.


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Hot in Cleveland: Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon Recap

Sooooo. . . I've spent my time training in the coldest of cold temperatures this winter and spring. Zero degrees? PSSSHHHH.  Who knew that Cleveland would smack me in the face with 80+ degrees on race day???? But. . . I've gotten ahead of myself.

I worked the Expo on Saturday morning for a little bit, but things were slow, so I was allowed to go pick up my packet and browse the expo. So many fun things to do! I got a free blood pressure check and facial screening (Scary! Peeps, wear a hat when you run outside), and I bought socks, Bondi Bands, and a 50K car magnet (in honor of Forget the PR). I also took a pic, of course:

What bib number are you? Do you have any ID? NO???? NO BIB FOR YOU!!!

I'm official!

This is EXACTLY how I look when I win a marathon wearing Birkenstocks.

I met Marta for a pre-race dinner, took a two-mile walk with the kids, and then went to bed early.

The next morning was a 4:00 wake-up.  I had already laid out my clothes and gear,  so it was a matter of drinking my coffee and eating my bagel and fretting about finding a parking space. FYI: There is no need to fret about parking spaces, but I do it every year. This year I pulled right into a lot just feet away from the finish area. Easy peasy.

This is EXACTLY how I look when I am fretting about  parking. Notice that I am ALREADY SWEATING.

I met up for starting line promo pics:

2019 Ambassadors

This year the photographer didn't pick me to stand in front of everyone else. I am less special this year, I guess.

Marta and I took pictures with everyone we could find:

Women of Cleveland: Melissa, Pam (nice tongue), Stephanie, Katie, Melissa, Me, of course.

Marta and I walk to the start.

Marta found Jeffery and Nikki, who brought Rico Suave to cheer us on!

Corral Shenanigans: Here we go!

Normally, the first 13 miles of a marathon are pretty chillax for me because I don't push myself too hard. It's a time to warm up, talk, take the beer miles when/if you can, high five little kids. This year was different. Even after mile 2 I felt like I was on the struggle bus, and that bus was not where I wanted to be. It was so hot and humid; I was already finding it difficult to breathe and find a good pace.

There were definitely some great moments--like the Bishop, for instance:

I was hoping to get a picture with this dude! He made my day!

We took a beer mile, and it was very refreshing in the heat. I don't regret that at all.

Lots of bridges. So cool.
Photo credit: Marta Pacur

This is EXACTLY how I look when I am pretending I am not on the struggle bus.
Photo Credit: Marta Pacur

I love the Cleveland Marathon course. It has all kinds of neighborhoods and scenery: Downtown, The Flats (both East and West banks), Tremont, Ohio City (Hello, Speedo guy again this year!), Clifton, Edgewater, Battery Park, Gordon Square. Everything is so interesting, and the course really highlights what makes Cleveland special. I love running the out-and-back stretch to Rocky River and back to Edgewater because I can look for my fast friends to inspire me on the way down. I saw Ryan (3:05 pacer!), Steve (3:45 pacer!), Eric,  and Pam. When we were around Mile 14, we saw Luke, who was looking super strong, even in the incredible heat and humidity. He gave us hugs and high fives, and yelled, "Who made me sign up for this?" Marta and I both pointed to each other and shrugged.

The wheels really came off around mile 17. I was really, really hot. I wasn't sweating, and my heart was beating too fast. I was worried that I was getting heat stroke. I started walking a bit during almost every mile. I didn't want to fuel after mile 15 because I was feeling nauseous, but I knew I needed the fuel. I also felt like I was drinking too much water, so I started swishing and spitting at the aid stations and dumping water over my head instead of swallowing it. God bless the people who sprayed us with hoses because they probably saved me.  God bless Marta, too, because she stuck with me even though I told her to go ahead because I was definitely not going to make a good finish time.

Seriously, Peeps, it was really difficult out there. One mile out from the finish, I couldn't even get excited enough to run it in until Lee came by us just before the bridge. She gave a great pep talk and really helped me buck up. "There is serious carnage out there," she told us. "Even the elites have dropped the idea of a PR today, so you are badasses for being out here. Now, you are allowed to walk up the hill to that bridge because you are trail runners, but then you are going to run it in to the finish. Get going!" I managed to run and finish, and I fell apart as soon as I stopped my Garmin.

Marta doesn't know it, but I was crying and hyperventilating here.

This is EXACTLY how I look when I fall apart after I stop my Garmin.

I'm a mess. Luke is fine; Pam and Steve are fine.
Photo Credit: Marta Pacur

I drank some chocolate milk, but I couldn't handle more sugar, so I drank a beer, and it actually made me feel better. Then I was able to interact a bit more.

Ambassadors Finish! Eric, Pam, Me
Photo Credit: Steve McGowan

Marta, Me, Pam, Eric, Luke
Photo Credit: Steve McGowan

Me, Luke, Marta
Photo Credit: Eric Geyer

This race was no joke, Peeps. I have never walked so much in a road race in my entire life. Today I feel like a long train ran me over. 

I am grateful that I was able to finish, and I am grateful to my friends who supported me in this journey.

I have more to say about the race, specifically about the people who couldn't finish, and more specifically about Taylor Ceepo, who collapsed and died a mile from the finish line. I will honor Taylor with a separate post, but I wanted to acknowledge that this day was marked by tragedy. My heart goes out to Taylor's family and friends.

Lastly (for this post), I want to thank all the volunteers who helped out in this race. You gave me water, Powerade, and HoneyStinger gels, you sprayed me with the hose, you smiled and cheered and awarded me a sweet medal. Thank you for giving so generously of your time and spirit. Thank you to the Staph family and all the organizers who put all of this together. Thank you to my fellow Ambassadors who are more than social media friends to me; they are my family.

And thank YOU, Peeps. 

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Run Happy, Peeps!