Saturday, November 9, 2013

This Is for the Ladies

How many sports bras do you own?  Underwire or no underwire?

I used to own six bras:  two without underwire, which I used for yoga, and four with underwire, which I used for running and other aerobic exercise.  One day I noticed that my favorite running bra, the purple and black one, was missing.  I searched everywhere: behind the washer and dryer, all the drawers in the house, all the suitcases.  Nada.  Then I noticed my OTHER favorite black bra (non sports bra) was missing.  Huh.

I had recently presented at a conference, and I had brought both of those bras with me, so I again went through my garment bag and any possible luggage I might have taken.  No.  Did I leave TWO BRAS at the hotel?  How is that possible?

Then I started getting freaked out.  Why my FAVORITE bras?  Where could they be?  This is where my imagination started getting the best of me.  Bear with me on this one.

Meet the creepy guy I was sure was living in my basement.

It all made sense.  I do laundry in the basement.  We have a fridge in the basement, and we store our beer there.  There is a man-cave type room in half of the basement.  There are LOTS of places to hide in our basement.  Therefore, there is a creepy troll-like guy living in my basement who stole my bras.

I am insane, but not stupid, so I didn't share my discovery with anyone else in my household, but I started poking around (during daylight hours only).  Nothing.

A few weeks ago, I was putting away my laundry, and I had trouble closing the drawer, so I pulled it out of the dresser, and VOILA!!!  Both bras were caught between the drawer and the dresser, and the underwire was preventing the drawers from closing.  Somehow they had slipped back there, and I just kept closing the drawer on them.  In the meantime, I had purchased MORE bras, so now I have. .  .well a lot.  I have learned to lay them flat in a large drawer instead of cupping them up in a smaller underwear drawer.  I have also finally, truly exhaled because I now know that there is no creepy guy living in my basement.

I'm pretty sure.